Dad Says Kids Learn How To Be Human At Home AKA "The Lab"

My daughter was at an all-day playdate yesterday. When my friend dropped her off, she raved about my kid’s behavior. She was polite! She was sweet and helpful! She cleaned up! She was a true delight! And this was music to my ears. I was so proud of her for being such a wonderful kid at someone else’s house under someone else’s supervision. That’s all I can ask for.

Cut to that evening…

She was combative. She was ruthless with her mouth. (“You’re the worst mommy!”) She was just overflowing with so much emotion. My husband and I looked at each other about ten seconds into her meltdown and knew that her rough time was the aftershock of being on her best behavior for literally hours earlier that day.

Now, she was at home — her safe space — and she let it all out.

One dad and professional musician on TikTok, Dave Barnes, calls home — “the lab.”

“I got a word for all the parents out there, and I need to hear this too, but you got to remember something. In your house, when your kids are disrespectful and they’re not listening to you and they’re doing the opposite of everything you want them to do and they’re being mean to each other and mean to you, you are living in the lab. That is the lab,” he explains.

“This is where kids figure out how to be humans. They figure out how to be themselves. Do not lose sight of that. It is so important to remember that because when they go out in the world, and you’re like, ‘Wow, what a sweet kid.’ The teacher speaks so well of them, or they have good friends and people want to be with them. That’s real life.”

“The house is not real life. That’s the workshop. Remember that, and be encouraged that because it’s going to be hard. It’s supposed to be hard, but that’s our job to help guide and shape. You’re doing a good job. Keep doing it.”

One user asked, “What do I dooooo in the lab though!?”

Valid question! If home is the “lab” where kids use trial and error to figure out how to be a person in their world. If our home life is just one big experiment, what can we do, as parents, to make sure we reach success?

Give your kids a safe space to be themselves. Allow for mistakes. Make room for errors. Practice forgiveness. Lead my example. Be the constant for your kids, and you have a pretty high chance that your “experiment” will come out just fine.