Clashes between parents and grandparents over the best way to raise a child are as old as grandparents themselves. At times it can just be straight up funny: “You’re just going to buy them that toy because they glanced at it in the store? Where was this women when I was a child and begging?” But somethings things can also get pretty harried, like when a grandparents are having a tough time getting on board with a parents’ rules. TikTok user @mommom.maria, who frequently posts about being a grandma, has advice for grandparents who disagree with their child’s parenting choices.
“If I don’t agree with every little decision that my daughter makes for the baby, I usually don’t say anything,” she begins. “Sometimes I can’t help myself. and when it came to this I couldn’t help myself, I had to say something.”
“Mom-Mom” (which, by the way, is a common term for “grandma” used in South Jersey) goes on to explain that her granddaughter, Prue, is 13 months old and gets two bottles a day, one in the morning and one at night. “My husband and I were babysitting the other night and my daughter said to put her milk before bed in this.” She then showed a sippy cup with a straw. “I resisted because in my head she’s still a baby! She’s 13 months old. She’s just a baby! But it’s not my decision. I’m not the decision maker. I’m not the mom: I’m the Mom-Mom, the privileged Mom-Mom that gets to babysit her.”
So she gave it to the little one and all went perfectly well. Prue didn’t fuss or ask for a bottle: she just drank milk out of her special sippy cup.
“So I guess my daughter was right and that’s really what I wanted to say to the other grandmothers,” “Mom-Mom” concludes. “You don’t have to agree but you have to do it.”
Needless to say that commenters, most of whom appear to be Millennial and Gen-Z moms, were here. for. this. message. Some expressed a desire for their own parent to be more like “Mom-Mom” while others reflected that they were grateful for similar behavior from their mom-turned-grandma.
“I was getting ready to tussle but glad I’m on the grandma’s respecting their kids decisions side,” reads one comment.
“Say it louder for the generations that think we don’t know what we’re doing as ‘young’ parents,” offers another.
A third replied simply, “You are such a breath of fresh air.”
When it comes to deciding what’s best for a baby, everyone involved has good intentions, so it can be difficult to concede a point, perhaps especially for grandparents, who may feel like they’re protecting not only their grandbaby but their OG baby from hurt. They may also feel defensive of the choices they made in their own parenting journey. So for a grandparent to step back, let go, and realize they raise a child whose judgment they can trust? That’s impressive.
