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After receiving backlash about her family dynamics on TikTok, Janelle Spencer clapped back and explained how she manages her relationship with her mom and mother-in-law. She does not favor one over the other; she matches their energies.
After Spencer posted a satirical video about in-laws showing up to their house way too early for the holidays (aka crossing boundaries!), she was met with backlash. One user commented, “I bet your mum can show up at any time though.”
Spencer replied with a video, admitting that, yeah, her mom can show up anytime she wants, but guess what? She doesn’t! Because she respects her daughter’s boundaries! What a concept!
“You know what? She can. But she still doesn’t. People comment stuff like this all the time like it’s such a gotcha moment. Like, oh you’re so unfair because your mom has a different relationship with you and has allowed different things than your mother-in-law. But it’s not a gotcha moment,” she says.
“Do people not realize women are just matching energies with their mom and their mother-in-law?”
She goes on to note some of the differences between her mom’s and her MIL’s energy.
“My mom could show up anytime, and she wouldn’t insult me. She wouldn’t insult my husband. She wouldn’t insult my home, but she still wouldn’t show up anytime. Because that’s our relationship dynamic. It’s the type of relationship where she’s gonna text me first at least and be like, ‘Hey, I’m on my way.’ And that works for us.”
Spencer continues, sharing how mothers-in-law typically get bent out of shape about their “unfair” treatment and lack of access to their sons or grandkids when really they should take time to look inward.
“They arbitrarily one day decided that, ‘Oh no, I want the same treatment as my daughter-in-law’s mom.’ Even though they spent no time, energy, or resources investing in that relationship before they realized that their daughter-in-law was really close with her mom. And subsequently, maybe their son would be close with her mom.”
She notes that mothers-in-law only wants to be involved because they are jealous of their daughter-in-law’s mom. If their daughter-in-law wasn’t close with their mom, they wouldn’t show up at all, in her opinion.
She then goes back to the idea of “matching energies” when it comes to family dynamics.
“You want it fair and equal? Then okay, it’s fair and equal. I’m gonna treat you exactly the same way that you treat me. I’m not gonna treat you five levels up from how you treat me simply because that’s how I treat my mom. My mom treats me five levels up from how you treat me. So what do you want me to do with that?”
One user replied, “My parents can show up anytime bcuz they love & respect both me AND my partner so no 1 feels neglected, disrespected, miserable, etc when they’r around. Can’t say the same for MIL”
Another said, “I’ve know my mother since the day I was born and she’s been nothing but kind and loving to me since day 1. I’ve known my MIL for 4 years and she has insulted me, made me uncomfortable, etc..”
One user pointed out a double standard and wrote, “Do daughters/dil just show up? Kinda legitimate question. I don’t just show up to my parents’ house and they don’t show up at mine, same with in-laws. Why do some mils seem to have this entitlement?”
The OP replied, “Yeah no clue. I don’t just show up at my parents house I always give them a heads up. I’ve lived away from their home for a decade and aren’t vibes always better when someone knows you’re coming.”
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